Jesse's Accident
by Marianne Verhoeven
Summary: "Story Updated" Jesse is involved in a car accident. Will he survive? And what has Steve got to do with it?
1. Chapter 1

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JESSE'S ACCIDENT

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Disclaimer: The characters here in the story do NOT belong to me.

Jesse had had an exhausting day and he was glad that it was almost over. He did not feel good today, he felt a little bit sick and he had only slept for one hour the night before. His weekend was all planned however, he was going with Steve on a camping trip They both needed a break because they were so exhausted. Jesse needed the vacation the most. The last month he had done plenty of double shifts surviving on coffee and vending machine snacks. He couldn't go on like this forever. He needed to take a break. A person could only do so much work. 

He went to do his rounds for the last time, making sure that all his patients were all right. Now he could go on vacation with his best friend, who he actually sees as his big brother. 

Mark, Amanda and Steve were in the doctor's lounge. As Jesse entered the room, he could hear Mark telling to Steve to be careful. As Jesse greeted everyone, Mark watched the young doctor with whom he has built up a very good relationship, actually he saw Jesse more as his son, he knew the boy had had a difficult childhood and needed a father figure, so why not him? After all, Jesse hardly ever saw his father any more, as he had left when Jesse was still in high school.

Mark saw that Jesse didn't look very good, he was very pale and he looked as if he was short of sleep.

"Hi Steve, ready to go on vacation? You are already packed aren't you?" Jesse asked, quickly checking and seeing no sign of any bulging bags.

Steve looked very embarrassed and started rather awkwardly.

"Jess," he said, "I have bad news. I can't go with you. I have the chance to go with a few of the guys from the precinct on a boat fishing trip and I want to do that. It's not that I don't want to spend time with you or anything…"

"Ok, Steve I have never been on a boat. Maybe it will be fun" Jesse misunderstood what Steve was saying and his face brightened at the thought of going on the boat instead.

"Err…Jess you don't understand. I want to be alone with the guys understand." Suddenly, Steve felt really guilty about the promise he was breaking to his friend.

Jesse couldn't help but feel rather disappointed. But as the conversation went on, he found he was more angry than upset over the whole thing. 

"Yes Steve I understand perfectly. You don't want to go with me. I thought I was your friend, but maybe I was wrong. A year ago I was the one who saved your life. But I guess I'm not ONE of the guys. Then I was the one who invested with you in Barbecue Bob's. Nice friend you are. Thanks a lot for all these years, boy was I wrong about you." 

Steve could feel himself panicking. 

"You don't understand. I have the chance to go with the guys and do stuff together maybe form some more friendships. I hoped you would understand."

Jesse didn't answer but left the room very angry. Mark was also angry with his son.

"Jess is right Steve, you have treated him very badly, you could have taken him with you, the other cops know him. I am ashamed of you. I have to go, I have patients to see."

Steve felt very ashamed and decided he had to find Jesse. He couldn't leave it the way it was. As Steve got to his car he heard Jesse start his engine and drive away. Steve jumped into his car and followed Jesse.

Jesse put his foot down hard on the accelerator, driving faster because he knew that Steve was following him. The more he thought about his conversation with Steve the angrier he got, and his driving got faster and faster and his concentration got less and less. Finally Jesse shot through a red light without even realising it. A truck, coming from a different angle along the intersection didn't see him and, unable to stop, drove with a screech of tires and brakes straight into the side of Jesse's car. 

Steve saw it all happen in slow motion even though it was over in the blink of an eye. It was a very big accident. Steve jumped out of his car and ran over to Jesse. It looked very bad indeed. Steve hesitated. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to look in the car because he feared that his friend, who he cared about a lot could be dead. 

"_If he is dead then it is my fault." _Steve thought. Then, plucking up all his courage, he peered into the car and saw Jesse lying in a pool of blood. Frantically he leant in and searched for a pulse—finding a very faint pulse he let out a sigh. Jesse was breathing even though it was very weakly. 

The fire brigade and the ambulance arrived quickly. It took half an hour of sheer hard work to get Jesse free. Mark heard the news from his son and arrived on the scene, quickly . "Steve how are you holding up?" he asked worriedly.

But Steve didn't appear to hear the question. "Dad this is all my fault. How could I be so selfish?"

"Son this is not all your fault, this was an accident. It could be you lying there" 

"But it isn't me, if he dies it will be all my fault I will never forgive myself."

The ride to the hospital seemed to last for hours. Jesse came into the ER and Amanda was waiting for him. When she saw him she gasped, Jesse looked terrible. Dr. Anne Verhoeven, the Belgian doctor who had worked for almost a year in the hospital attended to him. Mark knew that he couldn't do it himself, neither could Amanda. Mark was glad to see Anne on the job attending Jesse; she was a very skilled doctor. 

"I want a CT Scan, x-rays of the chest, abdomen and legs STAT," she barked out quickly. After taking the x-rays Jesse's pulse started to fade. Dr. Verhoeven gave him three shots with the defibrillator before she got a regular heartbeat again. 

What she already suspected was now confirmed Jesse had head trauma, a punctured lung caused by one of four broken ribs, and two broken legs. One of the legs was an open fracture. His spleen was bleeding, he had a broken wrist with a perforated vein and several bruises and abrasions covered his face. Dr Verhoeven knew he had to be operated on immediately.


	2. Chapter 2

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JESSE'S ACCIDENT—Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: The characters here in the story do NOT belong to me.

**Chapter 2**

The operation went very well, although they had had to resuscitate Jesse once when his heart stopped. After Doctor Anne Verhoeven left the operating room she joined Mark, Steve and Amanda in the doctor's lounge. They jumped up when they saw her and the doctor filled them in on Jesse's condition, she told them that it had been touch and go for a while but they had got him back. 

Jesse was in ICU and Dr. Verhoeven said that Mark, Steve and Amanda could see him but not to be alarmed, because he was on life support and there were a lot of wires. When he woke up most of them would be removed. Amanda was the first one to enter the room, and when she saw him lying there, so helpless and vulnerable, she realised that she always saw him as a little boy who had run away from home and wanted to be a big guy, he always made her laugh, and now to see him so pale with bandages, cuts and bruises, she just want to take the pain away like she would do with CJ, but she couldn't heal this with a kiss, it would take time.

Steve and Mark went into the room, Steve could not bear to look at Jesse, 

"I'll be back later dad, I can't stay here, I need some time to think." And with that Steve left Mark to his thoughts. Mark stayed with Jesse took a chair and sat next to him, he took his hand and squeezed it, he said that everything would be ok. 

"Jesse, you know that you mean a lot to me." said Mark, his voice full of emotion, "You are like a son to me, (hell who cares) I feel as if you are my son, I don't care what your real parents would say if they could hear this, but I would tell them that they have one hell of a son and how sorry I feel that they don't care about you, they don't know you like I do. You are so gentle, I know Steve loves you like a brother. You know when I told you about Jack, the doctor before you, Steve was his friend, but not like you and with him this is different." 

After Steve left the hospital he headed over to the other side of the road and into a greasy bar he knew that he shouldn't have anything to drink, but he just needed it, how could he do such a thing, telling his best friend that he would be a burden on the boat, even if in some ways Jesse could be a burden he shouldn't have said it this time. The sentence kept going round in his mind and it wouldn't go away.

The driver of the truck didn't feel good about the accident either and went to visit Jesse the next day. He entered the room, and what met his eyes was a shock, he hadn't thought it would be so serious. He shook hands with Mark, Amanda and Steve and introduced himself 

"Hi, my name is Patrik Ford I was driving the truck, I am very sorry about the accident I swear (it on the head of my daughter) that I didn't see him, it all happened so very fast and before I know it I had collided with your friend's car, I can't tell how much I regret that this happened." 

Mark stood up and gave him a friendly smile, he looked exhausted, he had spent all night with Jesse, he didn't want to leave him alone.

After Mr Ford had left the three of them found themselves discussing what they thought the very first time they saw Jesse. 

Mark laughed as he said "I did find him a bit overwhelming, he tried too hard to please everyone, he also was noisy and clumsy, but now that I know him better I realise that he is a very good doctor who cares about people, he doesn't treat them as a number, he treat's them as human beings, and that is what I like the most about Jesse. 

Amanda sighed. "The first I saw Jesse I could not stand him, I found him a little spoiled school boy that wanted to be friends but tried too hard. At the time I was horrible to him but he always stayed very friendly and not once did he remark about the way I was to him. You know I feel very badly about the way I treated him."

Steve's voice was full of emotion, he was still feeling so guilty about how Jesse had ended up in intensive care. "I didn't wanted to know him because he was a little boy, I mean I saw him that way. I didn't want to be friends because Jack was my friend and he left us here and that hurt. I didn't want to get hurt again, but in time I got to know him better and the more time we spent together the more I saw him as my brother, I know that I got used to having him around and expected him to always be here, but I do love him like a little brother and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. But now I feel that I must keep my distance because if I do lose him it would hurt so much and then knowing it is all my fault I don't think I could handle that."

  
Two weeks went by and still Jesse had not woken up. Mark had become increasingly worried and was spending all day and night with Jesse. He took all his vacation time and he did not leave the room. 

He was telling Jesse a story about when he was little, he had hold of Jesse's hand and for one brief moment he thought he could feel a slight squeeze but he wasn't sure if it was it real or whether he just really wanted to feel it. But Jesse's eyes began to flicker and Mark could see that he was having a difficult time trying to wake himself up and get his eyes open. 

Jesse heard a voice saying 

"Jesse you can do it, just let yourself go, and the rest will come easily." 

After a while he opened his eyes and he saw a people around him but he didn't recognise them, or where was he, what had happened to him? Mark was the first to speak.

"Welcome back Jesse, we missed you."

Jesse could not move and that frightened him and he looked at Mark and said "Sir, can you tell me why I can't move my legs?" Mark looked at Steve and then over at Amanda and said 

"Jesse don't you know me?" Jesse was trying very hard but he still didn't recognize any of them. Doctor Verhoeven came in the room and looked over at Jesse. She asked everybody to leave and then she started to ask Jesse some questions. A little later outside the room she told the three worried friends that it appeared that Jesse had amnesia, she couldn't tell if this was permanent or not, but from what Jesse had been able to tell her, it didn't look good. At least he had woken up but she knew that Mark was aware there was a long way to go. Mark watched her walk away, then he re-entered the room and stood by the window for a long time deep in thought.

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Part 3 coming up soon

I know it is a bit of sappy but I promise you the next part will be much better. Please keep sending reviews then I can see if you like the story. Marianne


	3. Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

Once Jesse had regained consciousness after the accident he seemed to turn in on himself, he was no longer the cheerful boy who always saw the funny side and the best in everybody. He didn't say much and he would not listen to the doctor's advice to help get him back on his feet. The way he saw it why should he be interested in helping himself when there was only a slight chance that he would earn his living as a doctor again? Why should he do anything to improve the healing process if he could never practice medicine again? He felt that his whole life was over; the only thing he'd ever wanted to be, or was good at just wasn't there for him anymore. Why should he have to suffer like this, why must he be punished? He could have done so much for so many patients, and now with one stupid accident everything was washed away, his big dreams would never come true.

Mark saw that there was something tearing Jesse apart and he thought he could figure out what it was. Jesse just didn't seem to be interested in anything his life, his friends, his career, they had all been forgotten because of the accident. All it seemed he could do was take his anger out on the nurses, doctors and himself.

When Mark went back to the Beach House to take a shower one afternoon, he saw that Steve was home, and he really wanted to talk with him about Jesse. "Steve I know that you don't want to go to the hospital, because you don't want to see Jesse the way he is right now, but I think that you must stop thinking that the accident was your fault, Jesse needs you, have you seen him lately?" Mark said.

"Well dad thanks for give me a lecture and no I have not see him, and I am not going to the hospital, you can't force me, because, dad I am not a little boy anymore, you can't give me orders, do you hear me? I do not want to hear about Jesse any more not from you and not from Amanda, for me Jesse does not exist anymore!" Steve said 

Mark was staggered. "How could you say such a thing Steve, I can't believe that you could say something like that, is it because Jesse doesn't recognize you? Even with amnesia Jesse will always be Jesse, even if he doesn't remember any of us. Steve, you are not the same anymore either since this happened. You have become so hard. He is your best friend, he never asked for this to happen to him. I can't believe that you are so cold. Maybe if you had given Jesse a little bit more attention, he might not have let himself go so much" Mark said.

Steve left his father without a word about where he was going. He went to a bar where he was often a customer these days, in fact he sat there every night drinking whisky and trying to forget his problems, he thought about a lot of things even his mom, if only she were here she could give him advice, he could not go to his father with this, he knew that his dad loved him and that he would give everything up for Steve, but he also knew that Mark saw Jesse and Amanda as his children too. 

Steve went into the toilet and what he saw in the mirror disgusted him, he saw a drunk, he was half the man of a few weeks ago, he hated the idea that he didn't have the strength to get himself off the drink. 

Steve made the decision that it would be best if took some time off, he needed help with his drink problem, and now would be the best time, his caseload was small at the moment, so his captain wouldn't have to find a temporarily replacement, it was the best for everyone because in this condition he could not do his job, he was a danger to everybody including himself.

Amanda had had a difficult day with an autopsy on a child that had fallen out the bathroom window. As the officer in charge of the case had found the circumstances strange, he wanted a full autopsy, just to make sure whether or not the parents played a part in this strange fall.

Jesse was still having serious problems, Doctor Verhoeven went to Mark's office and explained that Jesse was having nightmares and because of them he wasn't getting much rest, and there was still the big problem that Jesse was eating hardly anything anymore, and he'd lost so much weight. It seemed that everything was going wrong for Jesse.

"I noticed that Jesse did not eat anything while I was in with him, so I asked him why he wouldn't eat, but all he said was that he wasn't hungry. I did have an idea about the nightmares though, I wanted to suggest that I stay with Jesse overnight so he could have at least one night with no fear" Mark said to Dr. Verhoeven.

With the Doctor's approval Mark went to Jesse's room, he looked exhausted with dark lines under his eyes, he looked so fragile, and he was so thin. Mark wondered if Jesse wasn't eating because he thought he did not deserve to be alive, survivor guilt. And of course, there was Steve and the fact that he would no longer visit Jess. At first Steve could handle it, but now it seemed as if something had changed. Steve had thought that Jess would have his memory back in a few days but it had been a couple of weeks now and he still didn't remember a thing.

"Jesse look in the mirror," (he shook his head so Mark forced him to look in the mirror) "And tell me what you see," Jesse did not move a muscle, "You look like hell, what with not eating and not helping yourself, you're neglecting your health and I am forced to baby-sit you, because you leave me no choice" Mark said.

Jesse burst into tears, Mark took him in his arms and gave him a hug and let him cry, maybe it would help him.

"Mark look at me I don't deserve your attention, I don't even remember who you are, do you know how I feel when I go to sleep? My worst nightmare is to go into that black hole, my memory is just a black hole and it is the worst place I can go, I am so afraid that I will never get my memory back. Do you remember the day that I woke up from my coma? When I saw your face and I did not know you, I saw that it hurt you, but you have no idea how much it hurt me," Jesse said.

It was late and Steve was at home, he had packed an overnight bag and he was writing a short letter to his dad, he just wanted to let him know that he didn't have to be worried, but that he needed to go away for a while. Steve walked out of the house and stepped in to his car and hoped that he could leave all his worries behind.

Chapter 4 coming up soon

Thanks for sending me the reviews, it means a lot to me. Marianne


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
As Steve drove off to the mountains he knew that he had to be somewhere peaceful where he could find himself again and where he could stay off the drink. He knew that he was a different person when he was drinking, and that it made him behave in ways he wouldn't normally. "Face it, Sloan, if you don't get yourself sorted out, you will lose your friends and your job."  
  
He tried not to think too much about how disrespectful he had been to his father. He knew that he had hurt him, and that he would have to explain to him when he got back. And Amanda, she was one of his best friends, how could he have treated her so badly. She had been trying to help him, but he couldn't take that help right now. He needed to do this himself.  
  
He tried not to think at all about how he had behaved towards Jesse. He was still his best friend, even if he couldn't remember all the good times they'd had. He still couldn't believe that he had actually said what he did.  
  
At Community General Amanda finally had five minutes to herself. As she paused for breath, Mark came rushing into her lab. "Amanda, Steve's gone! I found this letter when I got home this morning. He doesn't say where he's gone, just that he needs time."  
  
"Give him some time, Mark, he's finding the whole situation with Jesse very hard to come to terms with. I think he just needs time alone to work it all out for himself. I'm sure he will be back soon. Then he will need you to be here for him." Amanda touched her friend on the shoulder. He looked at her and smiled.  
  
"Thank you, Amanda, honey, I know you're right. I'll give him the space he needs. I just hope he still knows that I will be here for him, whenever he needs me."  
  
"I'm sure that he does Mark. Now why don't we go and see Jesse together, huh?" With that the two friends left the lab together, and Mark felt a little more confident about things than when he had arrived.  
  
When Steve arrived at the cabin, he parked the car, then stood and just looked around. He filled his lungs with the fresh air surrounding him. He had known this was the place to come. He remembered coming here as a child. He and his father used to fish here. A smile crossed his face as he remembered. His dad had been a young doctor then, and incredibly busy. Still they used to find time to come here together, in between all the studying and long shifts. The fact that it had been just the two of them here, without his mom or Carole made it such a special time, he could not say how much he had loved it.  
  
He shook himself. Life wasn't so easy any more. He was an adult now. He had no children to bring here. The relationships just never seemed to work out. He was an honest person, but he had had girlfriends lie to him, he'd even had to arrest some, and on serious charges too. He had no idea why he couldn't find the right woman to fall in love with.  
  
"Come on Sloan, you aren't here to get depressed. You need to get a hold of yourself, and there is no time like the present." He walked back over to the car, took his bag out of the trunk and headed for the cabin.  
  
Jesse was sitting on a chair, feeling sorry for himself. He was half way through a very difficult physical therapy session. He wondered whether he'd had patients that had needed this treatment. He hoped he'd been sympathetic if he had, because it was hard. He might have no memory, but Jesse was no fool. He knew that if he didn't make some progress soon he would have to go into residential psychiatric care, and he didn't want that to happen.  
  
He knew that he was putting Mark in a very difficult position, but he wasn't sleeping well, and he had no appetite, so not only was he snappy and depressed, but he was very thin, and had no energy to do his therapy.  
  
An orderly helped Jesse over to the horizontal bars that he had to hold on to as he tried to walk. "I can't do this, Mark, I want to go back to my room." He knew that he sounded like a spoilt child, but he couldn't help it.  
  
"No, Jess, just try a little more. The first steps are the hardest. If you have done it once you will know that you can do it." Mark moved to the other end of the bars, and smiled at his young friend. "I spoke to Anne, and if you concentrate on your exercises and increase you appetite a little, then she says that you can come and stay with me at the Beach House. So come on, just a few steps."  
  
Jesse saw his new friend, because he was new to him, hold his hands out to him. He took a deep breath and slowly, but surely moved first one foot, then the other. "Don't move away, Mark, I'm coming!"  
  
By the time Jesse had worked his way to the end of the rails, Amanda had re- joined them. She had been thinking of what Steve had written, and she had an idea that she knew where he was. She was concerned about Mark, he had too many people to worry about at the moment. Maybe she could ease his mind a little. All that was forgotten though as she entered the room. She saw Jesse fall into Marks outstretched arms, and raced across the room to him.  
  
"Jesse, did you walk from the other end?" Her eyes were bright with the sudden rush of tears.  
  
"Yep, thanks to Mark." Jesse beamed at her. "I did it!"  
  
Amanda moved his wheelchair over and Jesse sank gratefully into it. He was exhausted now, but it was a good feeling. Maybe he had literally taken the first steps to his recovery.  
  
As they walked back to Jesse's room, Amanda turned to her friend. "Mark, I think I know where Steve is."  
  
"Where Amanda, should I go to him?"  
  
"No, leave him be for now. But he's at the cabin. He'll be fine, Mark, he is your son after all!" She smiled at him, and as she watched Mark smile back she could see him relax a little.  
  
Three Weeks Later  
  
Mark was sitting on the deck watching the sun go down. He had just sent Jesse to bed. The young man could still not remember things, and Mark was losing hope of him ever getting his memories back. He heard a noise behind him and was about to turn and send Jesse back to his room when a larger and more familiar shadow was cast across the floor. "Steve!"  
  
"Hi, dad. I'm sorry I had to run out on you." Steve put his hand on his father's shoulder and was instantly enveloped in a huge hug. "Hey, I'm OK."  
  
Mark looked over at him. "I missed you son, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me most."  
  
"Dad, you couldn't have helped me, not this time... I was too ashamed." Steve hung his head. The hardest part was yet to come. "I'm sorry, dad, I shouldn't have spoken to you in the way that I did. I hope you will forgive me."  
  
"There is nothing to forgive. We were all under tremendous stress. But things are getting better all the time. You are home, Jesse is here too. We'll survive."  
  
"Does he remember?"  
  
Marks heart went out to his son, there was so much hope in those three words. "No, son, not yet."  
  
The next morning, Steve saw Jesse walk into the lounge with the aid of a crutch. He walked up to him. "Jesse, I'm sorry, I behaved very badly to you, but I'm here now, for as long as you need me."  
  
"Hey, that's OK. We can have some fun as I get to know you all over again."  
  
The words tore at Steve, but the tousled hair and blue eyes were the same, and he had a feeling that Jesse was right. It could be fun.  
  
Jesse carried on across the room. He hated the crutch, but one leg was still much weaker than the other. He didn't know how long he would need it, maybe for a couple of weeks, maybe longer, much longer. He had decided that it didn't matter as much as before. At least he was alive, with friends who cared for him. He even hoped to work at the hospital soon, in a small way. "You know, Steve, I am very lucky. I'm alive, and I have friends. I'll settle for that for now." 


End file.
